The Butters: Body Scrubs!

I loved the lube that I got from The Butters so much that I really wanted to try more of their stuff and I love a good body scrub to keep me feeling smooth and sexy, so here’s a review of not one but TWO body scrubs from The Butters to keep you feeling soft – namely, the Caramel Macchiato scrub, and the Calendula x Chamomile scrub. I’m personally a fan of coarser scrubs that feel like they’re giving me a deep clean over finer scrubs, so the Caramel Macchiato is a personal favourite that I’m fairly certain I will no longer be able to live without, but there are some things that make the Calendula x Chamomile scrub just as great too! Both jars came packed with product – these are slightly dryer, looser scrubs, for lack of a better descriptor, and so you might find it easier to keep a spoon or something nearby to assist in scooping the product out as it doesn’t really “clump” together.

 

First up, the Calendula x Chamomile scrub is described as a medium scrub (I’d say it’s leaning towards medium-fine as the primary scrubbing agent is white sugar) and is best for the face, lips, feet, and hands – basically, spots where a coarser scrub probably isn’t a good idea, though you can use the scrub anywhere on the body. The scrub also features aromatherapy effects when you’re in the shower thanks to the essential oils that are in the jar. It wasn’t personally my cup of tea, as the smell reminded me quite a bit of an herbal-but-somehow-minty-like-camphor type smell, but I can see how it would be very soothing for someone who likes this sort of smell. Chamomile is known for its soothing properties but calendula, I learned, is also an anti-viral and anti-inflammatory herb. Overall, this is a scrub that’s great for your mind and body, and I found that it lasted fairly well in the shower. Unlike what the instructions say about getting the scrub wet, I just scooped some out and applied it directly to wet skin. It felt like the sugar dissolved after a little while of scrubbing, but that’s not a bad thing! So, while this scrub wasn’t entirely my jam, I definitely still find myself reaching for it when I want a slightly finer scrub than the Caramel Macchiato.

 

Speaking of the Caramel Macchiato, this thing is my new favourite. I don’t quite smell the caramel, but I do smell the macchiato part of its name! It’s a coarser, grittier scrub than the Calendula x Chamomile one, thanks to the brown sugar, sea salt, and coffee grounds inside and I absolutely love that. I found myself feeling super silky and sexy after my shower. I was fascinated on the website to see that this scrub was described as being good for cleansing and moisturising the vulva, as well as the booty, lips, and legs, so I absolutely tried it on my booty and it felt great! I also plan on testing out, CAREFULLY, if this is good for the outermost part of vulvas too. I definitely used more than the recommended amount, because I just couldn’t get enough of the scrub! This scrub also features agave, which is very hydrating for the skin. I really loved the coffee smell, and I think it really brightened up my shower experience overall. I also felt that because of the ground coffee, I could scrub for a lot longer, as the scrub didn’t dissolve entirely when applied to wet skin. I’ve tried numerous scrubs in the past, from sea salt and oil mixes to coarse sugar scrubs, other coffee-based scrubs and everything in between, but I really do think this is going to be my scrub of choice for a looooong time now. It’s just the right mix of exfoliating and softening for me.

 

These scrubs are very different from one another, but I recommend trying them both out to see which one you like best – The Butters is incredible value, with their little jars priced at $8. Plus, you’re supporting a Black, queer-owned business producing some really incredible products that are honestly probably replacing some previous favourites of mine from another cosmetics chain.  There are also a number of other scrubs on their website if neither of these feels like quite your jam, such as a honey and grits scrub, a mojito themed sugar and lime scrub, and a few more! There’s even a scrub lovers gift pack, perfect for people like me who want a little bit of everything – and it’s even better bang for your buck, so you have no excuse to get your scrub on. The Butters, take all of my money and send me to scrub heaven, please! I can’t wait to order more from them!

My Life In The Closet – Things That Have Made My Sex Life Easier

Reminder: All posts go live on the Patreon first and you should support TDV there!

So, let’s be real. Having sex and also cleaning up can be a real pain as someone who lives in a house where sex and sex ed is a taboo subject. I’ve come across some things that have made my life easier, however:

1. Mambe outdoor blankets as a sex blanket – now, I own a Liberator blanket, and it’s lovely, but it’s also expensive and slippery and crinkly. It’s not the most practical either, washing it in the laundry is an absolute pain because it gets waterlogged. However, the Mambe, a practical outdoor blanket, is cheaper, quieter, and easier overall to deal with. It has one side that is made to be on the grass or ground, and a fleecy side that you are meant to sit on. It is in every way, better than an expensive Liberator, for less money. By all means, a sex blanket is absolutely not a necessity, but it is a very handy luxury if you can afford it, and it works better than a towel to capture fluids, lube, and all other juices.
2. Intimate wipes – Getting off while living in a shared space means that sometimes I can’t get my toys to the bathroom to clean up everything right away. Intimate wipes (or even baby wipes would work for this) are an easy, quick way to clean up most off the mess off of myself and off of my toys, and tide me over til I can sneak to the bathroom in the middle of the night to wash them.
3. Sex toy cleaner – this is absolutely not an essential, but it is something that I find very helpful. I’m quite a fan of Jo’s Foaming Toy Cleaner. Does soap and water do the trick? Yes. But I am not a fan of my toys smelling of Bath and Body Works, so I like the neutralness of the toy cleaner instead, sometimes, and the peace of mind it provides.
4. Condoms – I love nitrile condoms because they play nicely with everything, and make for wonderfully easy cleanup after play – just pull off the condom, and you’re good to go.
5. Corded toys – Hunting for batteries when you’re horny is a pain (and weird because you might get asked what you need batteries for – or, if you’re my house, you’re constantly out of batteries), and I consistently forget to charge rechargeable toys. My corded Doxy wand is my absolute best friend. 
6. Sugar Saks and other pretty fabric storage bags – These are excellent for hiding things in plain sight, in bags that look innocent enough and can hold more than one toy, so that it’s not obvious what’s in them. I use them for so many different reasons from travel to storage.
7. Soak lingerie wash or Eucalan – not necessarily a sex essential, but I have a large collection of lingerie, and I want them to last as much as possible – and not also toss pieces in the wash that I don’t want my family to see. Soak and Eucalan are excellent because you simply fill a tub or bucket with water, soak your delicates in there, squeeze, and hang to dry and allow me to launder my naughtier things and then hang them in my bedroom to dry, out of sight. I’ve also taken Soak on my travels and filled up a bathtub to do a large volume of laundry, and it worked incredibly well.

Sound off in the comments – what are things that have made your sex life easier?

The Butters Cocoa Butter Lube Review

Reminder: All posts go live early on my Patreon and you should go support it!

I want to thank The Butters for approaching me and generously sending me their cocoa butter lube for review. I’m a huge fan of my Sliquid lube, but I think this one might just be my new favourite. I admit that I was highly skeptical at first, but I am pleased to report that I’m thoroughly impressed with this product, and I have no idea how The Butters came up with this stroke of genius.

 

Let’s start with what’s written on the jar: The cocoa butter lube is a blend of organic cocoa, shea, and coconut butters, aloe, grapeseed, olive oil, a little apple cider vinegar, and vitamin c and e, as well as guar bean and potassium sorbate. Not sure why my orifices (as they put it) need vitamins, but I appreciate it. The jar states that this product is 100% vegan, and never tested on animals. It also has a pH of 4, which is important to know for vagina-havers in particular – the pH of the vagina can range from 3.5 – 7. There’s an expiry date right on the jar, which I appreciate, and it also notes that it’s good til the oil turns brown or smells stale – remember if anything you’re using on your bits looks or smells different than it used to, THROW IT AWAY. 

 

What really fascinates me is claims such as “less irritation, UTIs, and yeast infections vs no lube, water based, silicone and oil based lubes (somehow, this lube is a butter but not an oil based lube?), and that this was user reported. I’ll let you be the judge of how much of that you want to believe.

 

I do love that it is long lasting, like the jar claims, and that it is “good for all orifices and love styles, including solo play” (which was how I tested it). I can definitely see how this lube would be great for anal play in particular, and I’m glad it’s also safe for oral play as well as vaginal. 

It also claims to be compatible with silicone, metal, glass, PVC, sil a gel, lambskin, polyurethane and nitrile (useful to know for toy material and condom use). This lube is NOT compatible with latex, which isn’t a problem for me at all. I was skeptical at first, but not a single one of my toys (all body safe, mind you) was damaged in use with this lube, so it is what it says it is.

 

I discovered upon investigating on their website that The Butters is also a 100% a black queer owned business – and that’s definitely a plus in my book! They describe the cocoa butter lube as “slick, luxe, soy & palm free”. They also offer a lot of other cosmetic, bath, and body products, so there’s a huge variety of things to check out including two other lubes, a high viscosity lube called Palm Grease, and an aloe and shea butter lube (it’s their #1 all time product and it’s all purpose? For $8? I’m really curious about this.).

 

In use I found that this lube didn’t feel like it dried up or dispersed as quickly as something like my Sliquid lube, which I still adore, but this just seems to stay put and last a little longer and remained a little slicker for me, which I love. Because this is a butter, it can be applied onto your favourite toy or, wherever really, as a solid product and warmed up with body heat. I much prefer that over lubes that tend to drip all over the place – this lube stays put. This lube is also really great for anal play in particular for all of these reasons. I was not able to test this in partnered play, and I am incredibly curious to see how it works for my partner and me in the future. A little goes a long way with this lube – and this 4oz jar is packed with product, so it’ll last you a very long time. It has a very slight nutty smell that I don’t notice in use (only in the jar, unlike coconut oil, which I can definitely smell in use), and a minimal salty kind of taste that shouldn’t be too noticeable either (yes, I tasted it for science). 

 

In terms of price point, this lube is listed on their menu as being $10. I think, for the amount of product you’re getting and how little you need, this is an absolutely phenomenal price and great value for money. I’ve barely dented the surface of this jar of lube in the month I’ve had to play with it. Overall, I’m a huge fan of this lube and I will absolutely continue to reach for it, especially for longer play sessions. It’s now a fixture of my nightstand. I highly recommend that you check it out too!

 

Important links to check out: 

The Big Lube Guide By Dangerous Lilly: http://dangerouslilly.com/lube-guide/

 

Thank you once again to The Butters for sending me this lube for free, and for giving me the opportunity to review this badass lube with full honesty.

Funkit Toys Mega Review!

Reminder: Patrons in my $10+ tier get early access to all reviews!

I want to feature Funkit Toys today – Kenton is an incredible human being and one who invested in me when I decided to first start The Desi Vibes. I’ve been lucky to be a patron of a few of his products, so here’s a list of just a few that I’ve tried!

Rainbow Swing

The Swing is an amazing handle – Funkit Toys (with the exception of the NoFrillDo line) are all modular – you can stick two together via the very clever suction cups, and they won’t budge. I’ve even been able to get my Swing to connect to one of my NoFrillDo’s flat bases, though that definitely likely isn’t the most sturdy connection. The sides of the round suction cup also fold down to create more of a handle at the base of the toy for insertion. For me, personally, this toy is one that I prefer to use as a handle, but also definitely might be a great fit for someone that wants a toy that is thicker at the top.

Funkit Beat Cleaver

Oh my God, I have never loved an impact toy more. I want two of them so that I can have one wherever I go. The brilliance of this design is that it is waste-minimal when it comes to materials, which is a bonus that I adore. There’s a sharper point on the handle near where the thumb sits that can also be used to poke or scratch at your willing impact play bottom. The cleaver is very much a thuddy impact paddle – and it’s entirely my jam.

No Frill Do Series 1

Kenton was kind enough to send me all three NoFrillDos, and I love them! What is an NFD, you ask? Well, according to Funkit’s website, “NoFrillDo is the ‘Cup Ramen with Veggies and an Egg’ of dildos. If you can afford a fancier dildo, support the creation of fancier dildos. It’s worth it. If not, though? I think you should be able to buy a safe, non-toxic sex toy without worrying about rent.” This is hugely important because there’s a distinct lack of (although this is slowly improving) affordable silicone sex toys. We deserve toys that are non toxic (and you can click here to read more about toxic toys and why you should switch to silicone).

I love that Kenton specifically also states that NFDs just need soap. Nothing fancy. It’s true, all of my silicone comes clean with just soap.

Now, onwards to the designs. R is described as “[a] Helical design, fun texture for rotation and penetration”. Now, I didn’t find the rotation terribly exciting, but the helical nature of this toy does give it quite a bit of flex. It also just feels very lovely, and can kinda almost slide up into the A-spot zone for my body.

The G is a straight dildo with a slight curve for g-spot or prostate stimulation, and while it’s a simple toy, it is effective. For folx looking for an affordable option, this is a good one.

The B is the thickest one of the three, with two bumps on the side. This one feels really good to me for g-spot stimulation, as well as just a really great sensation when thrusting, and is probably the one I reach for the most of the three.

No Frill Do Series 2 in X

The X is a thicker, ribbed dildo, and it is really lovely for a fuller feeling and a lot of lovely sensation when thrusting. My one critique of these is the angle at the base – yes, this is a no-frills dildo and therefore not anal safe or proven harness compatibility or anything of the sort. It’s a what you see is what you get sort of deal. But the angled nature of the base frustrates me because it is not only unnecessary (Series 1 had straight, flat bottoms), I feel like it makes the S2 a little more harness unfriendly than need be. Yes, these are not harness tested, or made for harnesses – but people are gonna try and use these in a harness, and I worry that the angle will hinder that. I have tried this on in my harness, but I have yet to try it in play with someone. The website also notes that these NFDs are indeed not anal compatible.

So there you have it!! Go give Funkit Toys some major love – they deserve it.

 

This post was released early on my Patreon – please do go support it to make The Desi Vibes possible.

Where’s The Desi Vibes?

It has been a long, hard road.

I started TDV while in the thick of university, and boy howdy was that a bad idea. I am admittedly someone that, when no one else will do the thing, I will do it myself. Sometimes this works out, sometimes it gets me into trouble.

Sustaining my degree as well as TDV was impossible. I was wearing too many hats, and something had to give.

To make matters even more complicated, let’s talk about mental health and the journey I have been on:

It’s likely been about 4+ years now that I’ve actively been treating my mental illnesses, though my theory is that I have been very ill for a very long time but never reached the point where it was debilitating until I hit university. I’ve undergone various therapies and finally, over the summer, I started medication. It has changed my life in the best of ways. The Irene that was at ConvergeCon was still fresh to her medications, and still very shy and nervous. Impostor syndrome sucks. It took a number of months for me to start feeling better, and even longer to actually get to a point where I wasn’t struggling to be productive. And, once I got to that point, it was essential that I finished my degree, and here we are today.

So, I’ve accomplished a lot in the past year, I’d say, between a fuller recovery than ever before, and finally finishing my degree. It feels like I can breathe again a little. Life continues to throw difficult familial situations at me, but I feel more prepared than ever before to deal with my life.

I want TDV to return. I don’t know what it’ll look like when I’m back, but I plan to keep drafting and trying to write until something finally feels good enough to publish. I may even change writing platforms.

I want to be an educator, but I don’t feel safe or sometimes even welcome in educator circles. I feel like I’ve let myself and others down, and it’s been hard to be brave and take up writing again.

I make no promises, but this is me trying.

Love,

Irene Leonis

Exploring Better Feminism Part 3: 5 Easy Intersectional Feminist Steps To Take

If you feel like Intersectional Feminism can be hard and confusing, then don’t worry because you’re not alone – I used to feel the same way!
My first brush with intersectional feminism was in a women of colour group on Facebook. And it was intimidating. There were a whole ton of rules (very few of which made much sense to a new person), and if you made a mistake you had to issue an apology with a “self-critique” to ensure that you understood your mistake. It was a crash course in intersectional feminism, but it was a toxic environment, where people were quick to post aggressive rants about staying in your own lane, not making people do emotional labor, not using African American Vernacular English, and a whole ton of other things. And when a new member would comment and ask what these terms would mean, the only assistance they would get is being told to go look it up. I was simultaneously aggressively educated and policed about cultural appropriation, and supporting my black sisters. I also watched as a woman of colour of mixed race got chased out of a thread about bindis by my Indian/South Asian sisters, even when she kept repeating she was half Indian on her mother’s side. It left me feeling disheartened. It can be hard to learn to be a good intersectional feminist. Goodness knows, I’m still learning. I understood the women in that group – they were tired and frustrated. But I also feel like that anger can sometimes turn readers away from wanting to engage and learn – and I don’t want to give you, reader, a taste of the same experience I went through. So, I’m going to try and give you some of what I learned there in a much easier to digest form!

1. Don’t use African American Vernacular English. Period. Regardless of who you are and where and how you grew up, AAVE terms are terms we’ve inherited from the black community. It’s not our vocab, and we’ve stolen it. We are not shook, we are not on fleek, don’t tell someone to “go off, sis”. We are doing something very harmful when we culturally appropriate language, so I often try to really think about what words I’m using and why.
2. Stay in your own lane – and go talk to your cousins! You’re allowed to listen to people talk about their struggles. For example, imagine two black transwomen discussing their life and perspectives with each other on Twitter. That’s probably an amazing, rich thread that you can read and learn from, but! Don’t add yourself to that conversation and tell them about your own experiences, unless you’re a black transwoman! That’s what staying in your own lane looks like. Another example is when a person not of a particular community speaks on their behalf. For example, a cis white woman speaking on behalf of the black community, or the trans community is definitely not someone who is staying in her own lane. If you’re concerned about something someone else is doing, it’s totally okay to say “hey, I’m not the expert in this situation, but I think you might be (insert thing such as cultural appropriation here), I’d suggest you consult with (insert someone they can contact that is a good representative of the community here)”, rather than stepping in and saying, “hey, you’re appropriating from (insert a community that you do not belong to here), and you shouldn’t do that. Stop this at once!”, because it’s not actually for you to dictate that. And instead of trying to correct and police people of other races and cultures, correct the people in your community that are doing harm. Right now, the thing I feel intersectional feminism needs the most are people who are willing to speak to their “cousins” – the people of their own communities who have not yet learned or fully understood feminist concepts. We need to build more allies, and that was what actually inspired me to create The Desi Vibes, because no one that I knew of was educating my cousins on subjects like safer, happy, consensual sex and healthy kink.
3. Ditch the ableism and transphobia. Intersectional feminism is for all! Make sure you’re respecting other people’s preferred gender pronouns, and normalise the use of preferred gender pronouns by also sharing what yours are (for example, hi! I’m Irene and my pronouns are She/Her). Furthermore, consider your choice of words in your metaphors. Saying things like, “that’s crazy/retarded”, “I’m so bipolar right now”, “I sprained my ankle and now I’m a cripple,” are incredibly hurtful things to say because they’re offensive to people with disabilities and implies they hold a lower status. Instead, you can say “that’s unbelieveable”, “I’m really moody right now”, and, “I’ve sprained my ankle and it’s really hindering my ability to get around”. Your words can oppress and put people down!
4. Listen to underprivileged communities, even when they’re criticising yours. It may be hard sometimes to be feminist and realise your feminism still needs work, but feminism isn’t about communities tearing each other down, but rather about calling out the racism still at play so that we can all continue to work to improve our worlds. By not listening, we play right back into the exact things we’re trying to work against. Audre Lorde is famously quoted as saying, “the master’s tools will never dismantle the master’s house”. Similarly, if we uphold patriarchy, racism and so on in our interactions with underprivileged communities, we’re not being intersectional or feminist. Marginalised communities have perspectives that may be vastly different from yours – but that doesn’t mean that their experiences aren’t true. Listen to them and work with them towards change.
5. Seek out diverse opinions. Similarly to the last point, we can’t possibly consider every single perspective, intersection, and viewpoint. Ask around! There are intersectional feminists in every community that are happy to help share their thoughts and perspectives with you when you’re stuck on how to deal with an issue.

I want to leave you with some more amazing wisdom from Audre Lorde’s piece, “The Master’s Tools Will Never Dismantle the Master’s House.” Written in 1984, her words are still relevant today. Lorde addresses the willful ignorance of white feminists who say that they didn’t know who to ask for advice by saying:

“That is the same evasion of responsibility, the same cop-out, that keeps Black women’s art our of women’s exhibitions, Black women’s work our of most feminist publications except for the occasional “Special Third World Women’s Issue,” and Black women’s texts off your reading lists. … How come you haven’t also educated yourselves about Black women and the differences between us – white and Black – when it is key to our survival as a movement? … Now we hear that it is the task of women of Color to educate white women – in the face of tremendous resistance – as to our existence, our differences, our relative roles in our joint survival. This is a diversion of energies and a tragic repetition of racist patriarchal thought.”

Let’s work together, intersectional feminist sisters and allies, to make sure we’re smashing the patriarchy while lifting each other up! Did you find this list of 5 things you can do helpful? Leave me a comment if you’d like more lists like this, or lists that go into more detail!
References (as always!)
Lorde, A. (1984). The Master’s Tools Will Never Dismantle the Master’s House. In Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches (pp. 110- 114). Berkeley, CA: Crossing Press.
Weiss, S. (2015). 6 Ways To Be A More Intersectional Feminist. Retrieved from https://www.bustle.com/articles/119061-6-ways-to-be-a-more-intersectional-feminist-because-feminism-is-all-about-inclusion

Exploring Feminism Part 2: A Look Into Feminist Theory

It’s time for another theory lesson! What is intersectionality? Where does it come from? How does intersectionality relate to feminism? All of these questions are really essential to being able to understand how intersectional feminism works – and why this form of feminism is so very important to fight for. As always, I brought some academia with me to help make the case!

First, let’s explore what feminism is. Feminism, as defined by bell hooks (an incredibly important Black feminist scholar) is, “a movement to end sexism, sexist exploitation, and oppression.” Now, that might seem pretty basic and straightforward – surely we don’t still need feminism, right? Well actually, according to a scholar named Ştefanovici, in 2016 she pointed out that, “Even nowadays, the kitchen is considered to be a woman’s place, yet the overwhelming majority of restaurant chefs are male. Fashion and clothes and make up are considered to be girly hobbies and passions, yet the top earning designers and CEOs in the fashion industry are men. Even in the fields that are supposedly dominated by women, you see men leading the companies and cashing in the profits.” Further, she argues that women face objectification and oppression in new domains, and that women are still being exploited by gender marketing strategies. Worse still, she says, in sexual education courses girls are taught what to wear, but neglect to teach boys the concept of consent. All of these reasons are incredibly important reasons why feminism is still much needed in the present day and age.

And feminism isn’t just for women! It’s for all genders, and it’s not about being anti-male. Another great quote from bell hooks is, “To end patriarchy (another way of naming the institutionalized sexism) we need to be clear that we are all participants in perpetuating sexism until we change our minds and hearts, until we let go of sexist thought and action and replace it with feminist thought and action.” Her point is, anyone can be sexist, just as anyone can be racist. You can be oppressed and racist, or oppressed and sexist, or hey, all three! But until we (all of us on the gender spectrum) start to consider being more feminist in our actions, that won’t change. But, there’s a problem with feminism as it currently stands. Western women have gained greater class power than their sisters of colour. As bell hooks says, “when women with class power opportunistically use a feminist platform while undermining feminist politics that help keep in place a patriarchal system that will ultimately re-subordinate them, they do not just betray feminism; they betray themselves.” Here’s where intersectionality comes into play.

Intersectionality is actually a concept that refers to interactions of social structures like race, class, and gender. According to Gopaldas (2013), “the implication of intersectionality is that every person in society is positioned at the intersection of multiple social identity structures and is thus subject to multiple social advantages and disadvantages. … [Further,] Intersectional research stresses the inclusion of all voices, especially oppressed voices.” Gopaldas and (another very important feminist voice to pay attention to!) Kimberle Crenshaw argues that even though these concepts are socially constructed categories, they are constructs that are causing harm in the world, and therefore must be addressed.

Imagine intersectionality as a grid, and place yourself on that grid at the intersection where your race, class, and gender meet. In intersectionality, there’s no “oppression Olympics” where one person’s oppression is the worst oppression or more oppressed, but we instead recognise that in some cases, we have privilege, and in some, we have less. Also, according to Severs, Celis & Erzeel in 2016, “at all times, both parties – privileged and disadvantaged – are simultaneously undergoing and exercising power. In a similar vein, intersectionality theorists’ observation that ‘one is never just privileged or oppressed’ dissolves rigid distinctions between the so-called powerful and the powerless.” To emphasize: in all scenarios, you are never just privileged or oppressed. Power flows, moves, and shifts; intersectionality expands on concepts like privilege but examines them in a way that pays attention to all aspects of what is influencing a person’s privileges and oppression.

This means that intersectionality meshes incredibly well with feminism – in order to stop sexism and oppression, we also have to work to undo the systems keeping people oppressed by their race and class (to name a few). Kimberle Crenshaw argues that it’s illogical for feminism and antiracism to campaign about their causes as if they’re mutually exclusive. Krenshaw also says that “frequently the consequence of the imposition of one burden [is] that interacts with pre-existing vulnerabilities to create yet another dimension of disempowerment”. What she means is that laws (for example) that are made using only white, middle class perspectives to try and create a certain change may actually have the opposite effect with the communities that were not considered, and that this will actually further oppress them. I use the example of laws because intersectionality doesn’t need to be limited to feminism or academia – if other parts of our world such as businesses and our laws became more intersectional, we’d be helping to lift up so many people from all walks of life out of oppression.

Personally, this inspires me. I know there’s a lot of work involved in dismantling such deep-rooted social constructs, but if your feminism isn’t intersectional, is it really feminism? Is it truly feminism if your work gives certain communities freedoms at the cost of others? I’m deeply inspired by bell hooks, Krenshaw, and Audre Lorde – they are all black women scholars whose writings on intersectional feminism are absolute must-reads if you’re curious to know more. Pro tip: Feminism Is For Everybody by bell hooks is actually a very small handbook full of feminist information that I highly recommend if you’re wanting to learn more about feminism and intersectionality!

So what do you think? Did this piece help you understand intersectionality, and intersectional feminism better? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

 

References

Crenshaw, K. (1994). Mapping the Margins: Intersectionality, Identity Politics, and Violence Against Women of Color. In M. Fineman & R. Mykitiuk, The Public Nature of Private Violence (pp. 93-118). New York: Routledge.

Gopaldas, A. (2013). Intersectionality 101. Journal Of Public Policy & Marketing, 32, 90-94. doi: 10.1509/jppm.12.044

hooks, b. (2000). Feminism is for everybody. Cambridge, Mass.: South End Press.

Severs, E., Celis, K., & Erzeel, S. (2016). Power, privilege and disadvantage: Intersectionality theory and political representation. Politics, 36(4), 346-354. doi: 10.1177/0263395716630987

Ştefanovici, S. (2016). Why Do We Need Feminism. Studia Universitatis Petru Maior – Philologia, 21, 105-110.

Exploring Feminism Part 1: Whiteness and White Privilege

So: You want to be a better feminist, a better ally, or basically just more aware of social issues, and you don’t know where to start? Perfect! Here’s the series for you. I’ve put together a couple blog posts that are baby steps into a couple areas of feminism and intersectionality that I hope will help expand your horizons a little – I know that in creating them, they certainly helped expand mine!

Step one of this journey begins with examining whiteness. In my personal experience, white is considered the “default” race – as a person of color growing up, I never really saw anyone that looked like me on TV, and the Indian characters I did see were all deeply stereotypical. I’ll never forget the moment when I was watching Quantico, and as Priyanka Chopra’s character cried on my TV screen about her personal tragedy, I cried with her, because I was finally able to see someone that looked like me, dressed like me, talked like me, and that I could truly connect with in the media I consumed. I know a lot of people nowadays are familiar with the concept of privilege, and how we can have and not have privileges, but I want to focus specifically on unpacking white privilege and whiteness. I think this is something we focus a little less on, and I hope unpacking this will be a refreshing take on privilege for you! As always, I’ve brought some helpful scholars from academia and their perspectives to help me out with this!

Let’s cover some basics: whiteness is a social construct and an ideology, just like how race and gender are social constructs that we have prescribed meaning to. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t have an impact on our daily lives. Stuart Hall in 1995 wrote that ideologies can seem like a “given”, so, if whiteness feels like the norm, or like it’s a “given”, then it’s an ideology. But, the problem with whiteness as an ideology is that it’s elusive. Raka Shome writes, “whiteness always becomes something that is about someone else, about something else, but never about itself. … [Whiteness is] that sense of material and cultural entitlement that is enabled, and the sense of social agency that is produced, when we see the world constantly constructed in our image, through our needs, and through our frame of reference.” To put it simpler, whiteness is a way of describing the ideology behind white privilege – it’s an entitlement to a certain world and way of life.

This sense of whiteness as the default can be incredibly confusing for people of color, as explained by W.E.B. DuBois: “It is a peculiar sensation, this double-consciousness, this sense of always looking at one’s self through the eyes of others, of measuring one’s soul by the tape of a world that looks on in amused contempt and pity.” DuBois’ double consciousness means that not only does he see the world through his own eyes, but also through the lens of how he is perceived in whiteness. People of color have to navigate through this double thinking, conscious and subconscious, on a daily basis, whereas people who are white don’t have to do that because they are considered the norm. So, white privilege isn’t just about the opportunities you’re getting in life, it’s also about how much easier or harder it is for you to navigate your daily life because of this constant consciousness (or lack of, if you’re white).

So how do we deal with this? How do we check our white privilege and see how deep it goes? And ultimately, if you’re white, what do you do about it? Robert Jensen, in his book “The Heart of Whiteness” talks about white fear and white guilt, and I think these are two aspects to whiteness and white privilege that we don’t often think about. First, he talks about guilt. White people say they often feel guilty about slavery, but guilt implies responsibility. It’s impossible to be responsible for something that happened before you were born. But, he says, by focusing on guilt in this abstract way and centering it on something that happened before their birth means that they don’t have to feel guilty about specific cases, which is a convenient way to avoid accountability. Also, this abstract guilt means they don’t have to take action, because it makes them feel paralysed and like there’s nothing they can do.

White readers, do you feel so guilty about white privilege that you can’t seem to do anything about it? If so, you’re stuck in some pretty abstract guilt. Instead, Jensen says, you should feel guilty for the racist acts you’ve committed in your lifetime, and your failures to do all you can to resist white supremacy and work against it, and feeling enough guilt to make sure you won’t repeat those mistakes. This makes your guilt actionable – you can work to reduce your guilt, rather than be overwhelmed by it.

Next, Jensen talks about white fear. The first two fears of white people are the fear of facing the reality that some of what white people have is unearned, and that if racial equality suddenly happened, that white people would lose what they have and the things they own. This redistribution of wealth would absolutely be a good thing, but when your life is comfortable, having to give that up can be scary for white people.

Third, he says, white people fear a world in which non-white people may gain significant power. I think this is perhaps one of the easiest fears of whiteness to spot – for example, Donald Trump and his infamous wall with Mexico is a blatant example of how white people fear “they” are all going to keep “coming here and taking our jobs”. Amidst all of this, subconsciously, there’s also a fear that non-white people might treat white people just as badly as they have been treated for so many years.

Lastly, Jensen says white people fear being “seen through” by non-white people. We all carry some traces of racism – maybe it’s from our upbringing or the stereotypes we’ve heard. White people fear that despite their antiracist vocabulary, that they might say the wrong thing, make a mistake and reveal some accidental inner racism and be exposed as a fraud. In response to this, Jensen suggests that you recognise that fear publicly, and let it go.

Do you see yourself or the people around you in any of these ideas about white guilt and fear? If so, great! It’s okay to feel guilty and scared, but you also need to do something about it, and Jensen has a helpful suggestion for that too: people of color need you to channel your guilt and fear into productive anger. Jensen says you need to get angry, stay angry, but don’t let it swallow you info self-righteousness. Let your passion for justice fuel your work but don’t let it overlook your own flaws and failures. Recognise your white privilege, your guilt, and your fears, but work to improve the world you live in.

I’d love to hear from you – what surprised you in this post? What resonated? Do you feel like this helps you make a little more sense of how whiteness and white privilege works, and also what to do about it? Let me know!

 

References

DuBois, W. (1994). The Souls of Black Folk (pp. 7-15). Dover Publications.

Hall, S. (1995). The Whites of Their Eyes: Racist Ideologies in the Media. In G. Dines & J. Humez, Gender, Race and Class in Media: A Critical Reader (pp. 18-22). Thousand Oaks: Sage Press.

Jensen, R. (2005). The Heart of Whiteness (pp. 45-65). San Francisco: City Lights Publishing.

Shome, R. (2000). Outing whiteness. Critical Studies In Media Communication, 17(3), 366-371. doi: 10.1080/15295030009388402

An Open Letter to A White Gay Man

Dear White Gay Male,

Hi.

We took a class together that talked about racism. In that class, we also learned about intersectionality.

Your intersection: A white, openly gay male.

My intersection: A South Asian woman, appearing straight and boring. I’m actually closeted in many regards. If you knew what I got up to at dungeon parties, I am sure your head would spin, but I’m not here to talk about what I get up to.

I want you to know how proud I am of you for wanting to learn how various races are portayed and discussed, but I think you may have also missed a couple important points, so I’d like to emphasize them:

Being gay does not lessen your white privilege.

Being part of the LGBTQ community is indeed a place where there are huge challenges and oppression, but intersectionality is not the Oppression Olympics. One person’s oppression does not cancel out their privilege. Just because you are part of one oppressed community, does not mean you can speak over another.

This class was all about teaching us to consider our intersection and where we have privilege. But you didn’t do that when it came to putting what we were learning in class to practice.

We had a moment in the midst of a class discussion where in the middle of my sentence you cut me off and patronizingly told me you were not arguing with me. Your tone indicated you wanted me to calm down. The class laughed, and I smiled with them, but I want you to understand how incredibly tone deaf and hurtful this action was. In a class on race, intersections, and a whole semester spent unpacking privilege, I was stunned into silence at your audacity. You, a white male, patronised me, a South Asian woman in a class on racism and intersectionality. Let’s just stop and think about for a moment, how convenient it was for you to not realize that you are male, and white, and to forget how your race and gender plays out in your interactions with people – in particular, when speaking to a woman of color. My, what privilege you must carry that makes it so convenient for you to forget your own intersection so that you can shut me down in such a socially humiliating way!

Check yourself, dudebro. Just because you are gay, does not lessen your whiteness, your maleness, your ability to take up space, time, and your ability to have an opinion. That you can exist openly as a gay while male and not be in the closet and shadows as I am is a sign of your privilege. Many South Asian people cannot come out to their family as, well, anything. So think about how privileged you are, even within your own community.

The next time you open your mouth, perhaps you should consider if there is a voice that you are instead better able to amplify. Or, better yet, shut your mouth and listen. Listen to people of color and what we are saying, don’t shut them down.

Intersectionality, to me, is a bit like examining your own racial consciousness. It means being aware of when and where you are privileged and powerful, and when you are not. It’s okay to be a part of a community that is lower on the intersectional privilege grid – and your other intersections mean you can safely speak for your community! This is your privilege doing good things! But it also means being aware of whom you are hurting, who you are stepping on, when you speak.

What you did that day was small, but so are most racist and sexist things (and being gay and taking a class on rscism doesn’t excuse you from racist and sexist behavior). Most sexism and racism is implicit, not explicit. They are small drops into the bucket, until our buckets of tolerance start to overflow with anger and hurt.

Your momentary flippant action was a deep cut in a place where such behavior shouldn’t have happened. It has weighed on me, causing me a wholly unreasonable amount of anger and frustration. But this, I guess, is what happens when people get tired of dealing with microagressions and shit like this.

I hope someday you realize the gravity of your actions and think before you speak to a woman or person of color like that again. I hope you learn the lessons this class was trying to teach.

Til then, may you wave your flag at Pride, but also pause to remember upon whose backs the Pride parades began, and their intersections too.

Sincerely,

Irene Leonis

Academic Paper: The Dick Pic – Examining Sexting and Where The Unwanted Appendages Come From

Warning! Academia ahead!!!!

This was a paper I wrote for an undergraduate university course on feminist communication. It is NOT a beginner feminist friendly read, and is full of academic style writing and references concepts such as the “male gaze” that I had to assume the reader understood. You have been warned. If you do intend to read it, however, you might just discover something about how the dick pic works and why it happens! It’s not all very good news, but it is pretty informative. I’ve kept it mostly the same and just made some edits for readability. As such, my in-text APA citations have been reduced to make this a slightly easier read, but I will provide my bibliography at the end. Please keep in mind, this was written out of curiosity and interest but was also written by a very tired student that was required to also use the course material (this is also pretty much the only reason why I’ve had to reference something published by Aziz Ansari). Other things that may trigger you, reader, include a mention of the dick pic as a form of rape, sexual harassment, intimidation, men exerting power, and so on. This paper does not hold back, but it is scientific in how it explains all of these things. You have been warned!

Having said all of that, if you’re still here to read it, I really hope you enjoy the read. ❤