My Life In The Closet – Things That Have Made My Sex Life Easier

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So, let’s be real. Having sex and also cleaning up can be a real pain as someone who lives in a house where sex and sex ed is a taboo subject. I’ve come across some things that have made my life easier, however:

  1. Mambe outdoor blankets as a sex blanket – now, I own a Liberator blanket, and it’s lovely, but it’s also expensive and slippery and crinkly. It’s not the most practical either, washing it in the laundry is an absolute pain because it gets waterlogged. However, the Mambe, a practical outdoor blanket, is cheaper, quieter, and easier overall to deal with. It has one side that is made to be on the grass or ground, and a fleecy side that you are meant to sit on. It is in every way, better than an expensive Liberator, for less money. By all means, a sex blanket is absolutely not a necessity, but it is a very handy luxury if you can afford it, and it works better than a towel to capture fluids, lube, and all other juices.
  2. Intimate wipes – Getting off while living in a shared space means that sometimes I can’t get my toys to the bathroom to clean up everything right away. Intimate wipes (or even baby wipes would work for this) are an easy, quick way to clean up most off the mess off of myself and off of my toys, and tide me over til I can sneak to the bathroom in the middle of the night to wash them.
  3. Sex toy cleaner – this is absolutely not an essential, but it is something that I find very helpful. I’m quite a fan of Jo’s Foaming Toy Cleaner. Does soap and water do the trick? Yes. But I am not a fan of my toys smelling of Bath and Body Works, so I like the neutralness of the toy cleaner instead, sometimes, and the peace of mind it provides.
  4. Condoms – I love nitrile condoms because they play nicely with everything, and make for wonderfully easy cleanup after play – just pull off the condom, and you’re good to go.
  5. Corded toys – Hunting for batteries when you’re horny is a pain (and weird because you might get asked what you need batteries for – or, if you’re my house, you’re constantly out of batteries), and I consistently forget to charge rechargeable toys. My corded Doxy wand is my absolute best friend. 
  6. Sugar Saks and other pretty fabric storage bags – These are excellent for hiding things in plain sight, in bags that look innocent enough and can hold more than one toy, so that it’s not obvious what’s in them. I use them for so many different reasons from travel to storage.
  7. Soak lingerie wash or Eucalan – not necessarily a sex essential, but I have a large collection of lingerie, and I want them to last as much as possible – and not also toss pieces in the wash that I don’t want my family to see. Soak and Eucalan are excellent because you simply fill a tub or bucket with water, soak your delicates in there, squeeze, and hang to dry and allow me to launder my naughtier things and then hang them in my bedroom to dry, out of sight. I’ve also taken Soak on my travels and filled up a bathtub to do a large volume of laundry, and it worked incredibly well.

Sound off in the comments – what are things that have made your sex life easier?

Funkit Toys Mega Review!

Reminder: Patrons in my $10+ tier get early access to all reviews!

I want to feature Funkit Toys today – Kenton is an incredible human being and one who invested in me when I decided to first start The Desi Vibes. I’ve been lucky to be a patron of a few of his products, so here’s a list of just a few that I’ve tried!

Rainbow Swing

The Swing is an amazing handle – Funkit Toys (with the exception of the NoFrillDo line) are all modular – you can stick two together via the very clever suction cups, and they won’t budge. I’ve even been able to get my Swing to connect to one of my NoFrillDo’s flat bases, though that definitely likely isn’t the most sturdy connection. The sides of the round suction cup also fold down to create more of a handle at the base of the toy for insertion. For me, personally, this toy is one that I prefer to use as a handle, but also definitely might be a great fit for someone that wants a toy that is thicker at the top.

Funkit Beat Cleaver

Oh my God, I have never loved an impact toy more. I want two of them so that I can have one wherever I go. The brilliance of this design is that it is waste-minimal when it comes to materials, which is a bonus that I adore. There’s a sharper point on the handle near where the thumb sits that can also be used to poke or scratch at your willing impact play bottom. The cleaver is very much a thuddy impact paddle – and it’s entirely my jam.

No Frill Do Series 1

Kenton was kind enough to send me all three NoFrillDos, and I love them! What is an NFD, you ask? Well, according to Funkit’s website, “NoFrillDo is the ‘Cup Ramen with Veggies and an Egg’ of dildos. If you can afford a fancier dildo, support the creation of fancier dildos. It’s worth it. If not, though? I think you should be able to buy a safe, non-toxic sex toy without worrying about rent.” This is hugely important because there’s a distinct lack of (although this is slowly improving) affordable silicone sex toys. We deserve toys that are non toxic (and you can click here to read more about toxic toys and why you should switch to silicone).

I love that Kenton specifically also states that NFDs just need soap. Nothing fancy. It’s true, all of my silicone comes clean with just soap.

Now, onwards to the designs. R is described as “[a] Helical design, fun texture for rotation and penetration”. Now, I didn’t find the rotation terribly exciting, but the helical nature of this toy does give it quite a bit of flex. It also just feels very lovely, and can kinda almost slide up into the A-spot zone for my body.

The G is a straight dildo with a slight curve for g-spot or prostate stimulation, and while it’s a simple toy, it is effective. For folx looking for an affordable option, this is a good one.

The B is the thickest one of the three, with two bumps on the side. This one feels really good to me for g-spot stimulation, as well as just a really great sensation when thrusting, and is probably the one I reach for the most of the three.

No Frill Do Series 2 in X

The X is a thicker, ribbed dildo, and it is really lovely for a fuller feeling and a lot of lovely sensation when thrusting. My one critique of these is the angle at the base – yes, this is a no-frills dildo and therefore not anal safe or proven harness compatibility or anything of the sort. It’s a what you see is what you get sort of deal. But the angled nature of the base frustrates me because it is not only unnecessary (Series 1 had straight, flat bottoms), I feel like it makes the S2 a little more harness unfriendly than need be. Yes, these are not harness tested, or made for harnesses – but people are gonna try and use these in a harness, and I worry that the angle will hinder that. I have tried this on in my harness, but I have yet to try it in play with someone. The website also notes that these NFDs are indeed not anal compatible.

So there you have it!! Go give Funkit Toys some major love – they deserve it.

 

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