It has been a long, hard road.
I started TDV while in the thick of university, and boy howdy was that a bad idea. I am admittedly someone that, when no one else will do the thing, I will do it myself. Sometimes this works out, sometimes it gets me into trouble.
Sustaining my degree as well as TDV was impossible. I was wearing too many hats, and something had to give.
To make matters even more complicated, let’s talk about mental health and the journey I have been on:
It’s likely been about 4+ years now that I’ve actively been treating my mental illnesses, though my theory is that I have been very ill for a very long time but never reached the point where it was debilitating until I hit university. I’ve undergone various therapies and finally, over the summer, I started medication. It has changed my life in the best of ways. The Irene that was at ConvergeCon was still fresh to her medications, and still very shy and nervous. Impostor syndrome sucks. It took a number of months for me to start feeling better, and even longer to actually get to a point where I wasn’t struggling to be productive. And, once I got to that point, it was essential that I finished my degree, and here we are today.
So, I’ve accomplished a lot in the past year, I’d say, between a fuller recovery than ever before, and finally finishing my degree. It feels like I can breathe again a little. Life continues to throw difficult familial situations at me, but I feel more prepared than ever before to deal with my life.
I want TDV to return. I don’t know what it’ll look like when I’m back, but I plan to keep drafting and trying to write until something finally feels good enough to publish. I may even change writing platforms.
I want to be an educator, but I don’t feel safe or sometimes even welcome in educator circles. I feel like I’ve let myself and others down, and it’s been hard to be brave and take up writing again.
I make no promises, but this is me trying.